The Family Lawyer Playbook

A Field Guide to the Tactics You May Encounter in Family Court

Family law is supposed to deliver justice, not strategy. Yet, some legal representatives have developed a pattern of tactics that—while technically lawful—tilt the process in their client’s favour by stretching time, evidence, and emotion to breaking point.

Understanding these moves doesn’t make you paranoid. It makes you prepared.

Below is an anonymised summary of recurring patterns seen across Australian Family Court cases. Think of it as the Book of Dirty Tricks—so you can spot them early and respond with facts, composure, and documentation.

These are the sort of things that you can expect your ex-partners lawyers to do. Forewarned is forearmed.

1. Information Control

Tactic: Delay, restrict, or drip-feed disclosure.

How it works: Key evidence (valuations, financial records, health reports) may appear late, incomplete, or redacted, forcing you to scramble under time pressure.

How to counter:

• Keep your own indexed copies of every document you file or receive.

• File Notices to Admit or Notices to Produce early.

• Note every instance of non-disclosure in your affidavit chronology—judges notice patterns.

2. Litigation by Attrition

Tactic: Exhaust you emotionally and financially.

How it works: Multiple lawyers appear for short, minor matters; endless emails; procedural disputes; motions that add little but cost plenty.

How to counter:

• Demand cost estimates in writing from your own lawyer.

• Ask the court to require proportionality under Rule 1.04 of the Family Law Rules 2021.

• Keep a log of duplication (e.g., three lawyers billing for one appearance)—you can seek a costs review later.

3. Shaping the Narrative

Tactic: Flood the court with broad or emotional claims early to set the tone.

How it works: Long affidavits with irrelevant history or unprovable allegations distract from key issues and prejudice you before you even speak.

How to counter:

• Don’t react emotionally; respond factually and briefly.

• Highlight irrelevant or stale material in your reply affidavit.

• Request the court confine evidence to relevant timeframes or issues.

4. Expert Manipulation

Tactic: Challenge or replace experts who don’t align with their case.

How it works: Attempts may be made to discharge a court-appointed expert or cast doubt on independence using selective quotations, outdated material, or even media references.

How to counter:

• Always cite the expert’s duty to the court (not the parties).

• Keep correspondence factual and transparent.

• If an expert is challenged, request reasons and supporting evidence in writing.

5. Cost Inflation and Intimidation

Tactic: Use legal costs as leverage.

How it works: Frequent threats of “cost orders” or “indemnity costs” are used to deter self-represented litigants or force settlement.

How to counter:

• Familiarise yourself with section 117 of the Family Law Act—costs are not automatic.

• Document your compliance with all court directions.

• If costs are sought, request itemised justification and raise duplication or over-servicing concerns.

6. Procedural Ambush

Tactic: File or withdraw applications strategically to control timing.

How it works: New applications may arrive just before hearings; interim hearings extended; interlocutory motions used to delay or complicate.

How to counter:

• Track every court direction and compliance deadline.

• Prepare a short chronology of procedural history for the judge—it highlights who is dragging matters out.

• Stay calm. Delay favours those who appear least affected by it.

7. Ethical Grey Zones

Tactic: Push boundaries without crossing them.

How it works: Selective quotations from your evidence, mischaracterisation of facts, or “errors” in affidavits later blamed on misunderstanding.

How to counter:

• Verify every statement you sign; correct errors immediately.

• Keep contemporaneous notes of all interactions with lawyers, experts, and court staff.

• If you suspect misrepresentation, calmly raise it via written correspondence for the record.

8. Deflect and Discredit

Tactic: Paint you as difficult, controlling, or litigious.

How it works: Even minor disagreements can be reframed as aggression. “He’s argumentative” becomes “He’s threatening.”

How to counter:

• Stay polite, brief, and factual in every written or spoken exchange.

• Assume every message will be read aloud in court—and write accordingly.

• Let your documents show reasonableness; overreaction feeds the narrative.

9. Expert-Approved Chaos

Tactic: Weaponise the system’s own inefficiency.

How it works: Missed disclosure deadlines, late expert reports, and endless adjournments create fatigue and confusion. The side that benefits is the one most prepared to endure it.

How to counter:

• Use procedural lapses to your advantage: request cost capping or timetable enforcement.

• Keep a timeline that documents every delay, with dates and causes.

10. Reputation by Repetition

Tactic: Repeat minor claims until they sound true.

How it works: Each affidavit or statement echoes earlier language (“controlling,” “financially abusive,” etc.) to embed a narrative in the court’s subconscious.

How to counter:

• Rebut each false or misleading statement once, clearly and factually—then stop.

• Don’t chase every untruth; pick the ones that matter legally.

• Ask the court to focus on admissible evidence, not rhetoric.

Final Advice

This playbook isn’t about cynicism—it’s about realism. The family-law system can be weaponised by those who know its weak points: cost, time, and perception.

You can’t control their tactics, but you can control your response: stay factual, stay ethical, and document everything.

Preparation is your best defence.

Learn the rules better than the people who bend them.