What to Do Immediately After an Allegation or Interim Order

<This is general information, not legal advice.>

Most men are blindsided by an allegation or an interim Family Violence Order (FVO/AVO/IVO).

One minute you’re living your life; the next, you’re served papers, locked out of your home, and facing restrictions you don’t fully understand.

The first 48 hours matter.

What you do (and don’t do) in those early moments can decide the outcome months down the track.

1. Stay Calm and Stay Polite

Shock and anger are normal, but how you handle the first contact — especially with police or service officers — is critical.

• Don’t argue, don’t resist, don’t explain. Anything you say could later be used against you.

• Be calm and cooperative. Record the time, date, and who you spoke with.

• Ask for a copy of the order and read the conditions carefully before saying anything more.

Courts and police notice behaviour. Polite, steady conduct helps you from day one.

Do not speak to police without a witness if you can avoid it. Even then, preferably only with a lawyer. Most lawyers will suggest that you do not speak to police at all. At the very least, try to have another adult present that you know well, and will be a credible witness if there is any dispute over what is said.

If police ask you to an interview, remember:

1. You don't need to provide an interview.

2. Police have a metaphorical glass half full of water. The glass is 'full' when they have enough evidence for an arrest. In any number of cases, police have ignored exculpatory evidence, meaning there is a good chance that anything you say that proves your innocence will be ignored anyway. The Sarah Jane Parkinson case is one example.

3. Pollice want to interview you for the purpose of adding water to the glass, not take it out.

4. Depending on where you are, there is a good chance that you will be deemed a high risk offender anyway.

5. Save your time and energy for Court where everyone can speak under oath and be cross examined.

If you have to speak to Police without a witness, ask them to turn on their body worn camera and let them know that you will record the encounter (audio or video) on your phone.

2. Do Not Contact the Other Party

Even if the order seems unfair, do not make contact — not by phone, message, email, or through friends. You will want to. DON'T DO IT.

This is how most breaches happen.

A single text like “Why did you do this?” can be treated as a criminal offence.

If you need to communicate about property, children, or pets, do it through a lawyer or the court-approved channels only.

3. Preserve Everything

Evidence disappears fast — especially digital evidence.

Before you lose access to devices, accounts, or shared property:

• Back up your phone and email (photos, call logs, texts, social media messages).

• Take screenshots of key messages, posts, or emails — include visible timestamps and usernames.

• Save financial records (bank statements, rent/mortgage payments, bills).

• Photograph personal property if you are excluded from the home.

• Make video or audior recordings of key facts while they are fresh.

• Write down a 'Record of Conversation' for each and every significant phone call or conversation.

• Email key documents, images, screenshots to yourself as proof of when they were created. A diary entry or record of conversation which you can prove was written the day after an event is much more credible in court than something you wrote from memory two months later.

Store it somewhere safe — a USB, cloud folder, or with a trusted friend.

This isn’t paranoia; it’s protection. You’re securing your own history before anyone else edits it.

4. Get Legal Advice — Early

You don’t need to hire a $600-an-hour lawyer to get solid advice.

A one-hour consultation with a competent, calm solicitor (family law or criminal defence) will tell you what’s urgent and what’s not.

Bring:

• The order or summons

• Any correspondence from police or lawyers

• Notes about what actually happened

If you can’t afford private advice, contact your state’s Legal Aid or Men’s Referral Service for referrals to duty solicitors or community lawyers.

5. Phone a Friend

Don’t go through it alone.

Call someone you trust — ideally a level-headed friend or family member who can listen, help you stay grounded, and witness key events if needed. Ask them to meet with you in a cafe, your home, or their home.

You will be in shock so just get used to the idea that you need help and your friends are not mind readers. Reach out.

You need calm, rational support — not fuel on the fire.

Avoid venting online or posting about your case. Even a sympathetic Facebook post can backfire if it’s screenshotted by the other side.

6. Know the Common Breach Traps

Breaches are the most common (and avoidable) criminal charge following an interim order.

Watch for:

• Replying to baiting texts or “accidental” messages.

• Attending shared places listed in the order (gyms, schools, workplaces).

• Asking friends or family to “pass on a message.”

If you’re unsure whether something counts as contact — assume it does.

Ask your lawyer or the court registry for clarification in writing before acting.

7. Keep a Contemporaneous Log

Start a dated notebook or digital journal. Record:

• Every interaction with police, lawyers, or court staff

• Any breaches of the order by the other side (without responding)

• New developments or documents you receive

Write factually, not emotionally. Courts respect clear, chronological records.

If you ever need to show your good faith or disprove false claims, your own contemporaneous notes will be gold.

8. Don’t Try to Handle It Alone

Even if you’re intelligent, articulate, and level-headed — family law and domestic-violence systems are complex.

What looks like “common sense” outside court often backfires inside it.

Get advice before:

• Responding to any allegation

• Attending an interview

• Signing or filing documents

A short consult now can prevent months of stress later.

9. Take Care of Yourself

False or exaggerated allegations are devastating. Many men experience shock, sleeplessness, and anxiety in the first weeks.

That’s normal — but it’s also why you need structure and self-care.

• Eat, sleep, exercise, stay connected.

• Avoid alcohol and impulsive texts.

• Stick to your support network and plan each day deliberately.

You’ll need endurance, not outrage.

In Summary

The first rule is: don’t panic.

Be calm, polite, and deliberate.

Don’t contact your ex, don’t breach the order, and don’t rely on memory — preserve evidence now.

Call a lawyer, phone a friend, and start documenting everything.

You can’t control the allegation, but you can control your response — and that’s where your real power lies.